


We Can't...

by paperbackwriterfromnowhere



Category: The Beatles
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9411965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperbackwriterfromnowhere/pseuds/paperbackwriterfromnowhere
Summary: The reason John left India early and the rift between John and Paul intensified to a seemingly irreparable state.





	

Something about the meditation and the air in India, the way they’d been forced to confront things they’d rather keep hidden. Things like his true feelings for Paul. It only seemed fitting that on this journey to find themselves, they truly be able to do that. Armed with a renewed sense of courage and under the guise of the fact that they needed to address themselves, John had finally asked to let everything out in the open between them. Finally spoke those words that he had refused to utter for years and years. Free and clean for the last few months, John could see clearly now for the first time in a long time. The only problem was… Paul wasn’t answering right away.

He held his breath, feeling like he might actually die and that’s when he did just that.

**_“John… we can’t…”_**

His eyes searched Paul’s and for a moment, he wished thought Paul would say I’m only joking or start to laugh in his beautiful way, and pull him in for a kiss and say _of course_.

Only… that didn’t happen. Paul’s eyes were filled with sadness (though John would convince himself it was simply pure evil because it made it easier to be mad at him) and John stuttered to find words to say, but he couldn’t find anything worthy of saying in that moment. He settled on the fact that there was nothing to say. He’d said it all when he laid it out for Paul and he’d been rejected– **unwanted** … again.

He felt his stomach drop and he thought he might be sick. Everything he’d ever wanted was right in front of him, pulling away. He wasn’t enough for yet another person in his life. He never had been enough for anyone, why should Paul have been any different? Feeling RAGE boil his blood in a way it hadn’t since HAMBURG, his hands clenched into fists, knuckles white, and he looked away. Paul was speaking, pleading, but John couldn’t hear him. He didn’t **want** to hear him because all it was were the same lies over and over again.

They must have been lies because how could they be truth if Paul wasn’t willing to just come out with it? If Paul’s feelings were actually as strong as he had said all this time, it should be easy right? If not easy, then certainly something they could handle side by side, right? They’d been together for a decade now, things were changing all around them, why couldn’t they be on the forefront of that change as they always were? Why not be advocates for others? Obviously Paul was not on the same page as he was, as they oh so often were, and John couldn’t understand why of _all things_ , Paul wasn’t with him on this matter. On the matter of **them**.

Shaking his head, he stood up from the floor abruptly and walked away amidst Paul pleading, begging, saying something about it not being the right time, please don’t go, and I love you.

**_Clearly he didn’t._**


End file.
